10 Reasons Why (I Think) Our Grading Day Was Canceled

It’s nearing the end of the quarter, and I’m freaking out. I have about 90 essays left to grade, put into one program that calculates their grade, and then transfer those grades to another program that…you know, I don’t even know what it does, but for some reason the transferring matters.  Also, I am trying to avoid the fact that there are piles of clutter and random handouts seem to be peeking out of every nook and cranny in my room.

Usually, I would have a day to finish my grading, clean my room, and take a few deep breaths before plunging into the eight-week slog before summer break.

This year, that is not the case. This quarter, our grading day has become a regular ol’ teaching day, and we are not allowed to take a personal day to sneakily grade at home.

Why, you ask? I have no freakin’ clue. Here is the thinking I pictured happening at the district level:

  1. Teachers like being at school. And if they like being at school so much, why should we deny them more time at school?
  2. We don’t pay teachers enough to have hobbies, so why do they need time outside of school to pursue one?
  3. Grading is good for our posture. Isn’t the Quasimodo look in this year? I could have sworn I saw it during Paris Fashion Week. Trust me, humpbacks are the new black.
  4. Times of stress brings teachers together. And what is more stressful than trying to balance having a life with grading 180 essays, warm-ups, and of course, late work? Who are we to get in the way of some serious bonding?
  5. Classrooms are too neat sometimes. They need to develop that “lived in” or “there was a small natural disaster,” look. Then people who walk through will know we’re really learning stuff.
  6. Teachers can’t afford expensive hair treatments, and since grey hair is coming back in vogue, we figured that grading stress would give you that look naturally. You’re welcome.
  7. If teachers stay at school longer, there is less traffic on the way home. Isn’t that nice? Plus, it’s nice and dark so you don’t have to squint in the spring sunshine.
  8. I’ve heard the pollen counts are terrible this year. You might as well avoid all of those flying allergens and stay inside. And grade.
  9. Teachers must be so bored at home, what with no money to afford cable, or hobbies, or pets. They were so nice to spend it all on their school supplies. The least we could do is give them something to do with their long, boring evenings.
  10. Teachers are already masters at multi-tasking. I read somewhere that all the decisions they make on a daily basis are like those made by emergency room doctors. I’m sure adding a few more things to juggle is only aiding in keeping their brains healthy. Who are we to deny them a healthy brain?
  11. (Bonus one!) The fridge in the staff room is getting a little full. If teachers stay at school, they’ll get hungry. Easy clean out! Who doesn’t appreciate some old yogurt and mustard from 2005?
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